You never know when someone will change your life forever. You also don’t know when YOU will change someone else’s life forever!

Is it possible that that you are changing the world without even knowing it?

In this episode, let’s talk about how a life that you consider “ordinary” might actually be a special gift for someone around you.

A big THANK YOU to Sifu Tim of the TW Smith Martial Arts Center in Raleigh, NC for the inspiration on this one!

You can find an interview with Sifu Tim right here: Episode #59.

If you’d prefer to watch this podcast on video, I’ll meet you down below. 🙂

To LISTEN to “Your Special Gift,” you can either:

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To READ along, or if the player won’t play, you’ll find a transcript down below.

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Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life!

Your Special Gift

Here’s the video! If it isn’t playing, try this direct link.

TRANSCRIPT

Hey, Ando here from Happy Life Martial Arts. Welcome to episode #71 of Fight for a Happy Life, the show that believes even a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better.

If you’re watching this on video right now, you’ll see that I’m standing in a park. And just a few seconds ago, a coyote passed through right over there. So this video might get a lot more exciting.

I had a totally different topic to talk about today, but I received a package in the mail, a gift, a special gift. I’d like to tell you who sent it, what it was, and why it means so much to me. Of course, that sounds a little self-indulgent, but I think the message might mean something to you too. So stick around. And don’t forget, there’s still a chance I’ll be eaten by a coyote. So you don’t want to miss that.

So here’s the story. You might already know that back in 2017, late in the year, November, I woke up and I couldn’t move my shoulders. I just had this burning pain. So of course, at first I thought, well, I’ll just give it a day or two, it’ll go away. That’s pretty normal if you’re a martial artist, right? Waking up with pain.

But it didn’t go away. So I thought, well, okay, I’m a little older now, I’ll give it a week or two. Still didn’t go away. I started modifying my training, trying to give it a break, icing, not icing, heat, whatever. It just didn’t go away.

So after a couple of months, by the time we got to February of 2018, I was pretty nervous. So I went to the doctors, got the tests, x-rays, MRIs, and I got the results. And the words that I remember from the report were arthrosis, tendinosis, capsulitis, and a bone spur. This pretty much crushed my soul, because of course, martial arts is not just my hobby, it’s my profession.

I love martial arts. I’m all in. And the doctor told me, when I asked him, like, Well, what does this mean? What am I going to do? He said, Well, you can’t do any push-ups, you can’t do any pull-ups, and really anything that pinches your shoulder closed is not good for you.

You mean like punching? You mean like framing?

Yeah, don’t do that stuff.

Well, that was nonsense, right? I mean, that just blew my mind. But I had the pain. So I started on this path to figure out how can I continue in the martial arts without throwing punches, doing push-ups or pull-ups. And it’s been quite a struggle during that time period. It was pretty dispiriting, I got to tell you. But I didn’t give up.

And I worked with certain teachers and kept doing a lot of research and a lot of experimenting and started trying to find different ways to throw punches and different ways to work out. I did end up losing a couple of pounds just because my workout changed so much. I even changed my diet, trying anti-inflammatory type of diet, that thing, that whole thing. And whatever.

The point is, as the months passed, I was still feeling pretty frail, pretty delicate, didn’t really want to use my arms that much. So I did more stances, more kicking– doing what I can is the point.

So let’s move forward six months in the story…

So by August of 2018, my wife and I took a vacation to North Carolina. We have some family there. And I happened to drop in to visit my friend, Sifu Tim Smith, who has a school right outside of Raleigh, North Carolina. His Kung Fu school is there.

Of course, you’ll know Sifu Tim. He’s been interviewed here on this show before, made some videos as well on the YouTube channel. So he’s a friend of the show. So I thought, Hey, is it all right if I drop in? I sent him an email. Is it all right? I’ll be in town. Can I drop in? He said, Of course, anytime. And so I did.

Now, keep in mind, he doesn’t know anything about how my training had been changing. He doesn’t know anything about my arthritis. He doesn’t know anything about anything. Well, he knows about Kung Fu, but he didn’t know about my situation, I should say.

So I visit the school, and he’s got a busy Saturday going on, everything’s hopping. And I’m just a happy guest participating in what I can and in the classes. And after the classes, we’re hanging out, and I see over by the wall, he’s got these wooden boxes with handles on them. And I just casually say, Oh, what are those? Those look cool. And he says, Oh, those are Mok Yee Pai. And I’m like, Come again? Mok Yee Pai?

Apparently, these are a traditional training tool in Tibetan Hop Gar Kung Fu. And I think it translates to something like “wooden ear plaques” because they look like ears. I’m going to show you in a second. Oh, there you go. Spoiler alert.

So I say, Well, what do you do with those? And he picks one up and swings it over his head like that. And immediately I’m thinking, Well, I’m not going to be doing that!

But you see the problem here, right? I’m a guest in his school. And of course I’m a dude. So there’s a certain amount of ego involved now because it’s not just us. He calls over one of his students and they both start swinging these boxes around. And I’m watching this in horror thinking, Oh God, what have I gotten myself into? I should have just shut my mouth. Now I’m going to end up swinging one of these boxes.

And of course I do. So I pick up one of the boxes and I’m– keep in mind, I have not worked my shoulder through a full range of motion in up to this point, nine months. I’m terrified of doing a pushup. I’m afraid my arms are going to break if I move them. So I pick up the box and I half-heartedly, with my arm bent, swing this box around. He’s like, Oh no– you got to let that thing really swing. Got to let it fly.

All right. I’m not showing any signs of weakness here. So, okay, sure. So I swing that thing over my head and I’m terrified. I’m literally thinking that my arm is going to rip off my body and fly across his kwoon. Of course, it didn’t, but I’m still pretty stiff because I’m afraid.

So anyway, I do my best. And he’s got his student there, and he’s there, and he’s demonstrating, and they’re all gung ho. They love this stuff. And so I swing one around. I start warming up a little bit and saying, Okay, here we go. And then he says, You’re doing pretty well. Let me get you the big mama. I believe that’s what he said, “the big mama”.

So sure enough, he goes over, and there are different sized boxes. There were smaller ones, maybe four or five pounds, then six or eight pounds, and then some 10 and 12 pounders. So he brings me over what he said was like the 12 pounder, I believe. So now I’m like, Oh my God, this has really gotten horrible. But sure enough, I wing this thing around my head.

Then he says, Let me show you exactly what to do. He showed me this little routine where you swing it up and around and you hold it, you swing it back the other way and you hold it, and you rip it up and you hold it one more time. So basically five revolutions through the shoulder, the full range of your shoulder, five revolutions counts as one rep.

Then he says the magic words, I believe, if I remember correctly, he said, 36 is the magic number. You have to do 36 on both sides. Now, he was meaning this as, Yeah, go ahead, try it right now. And I’m stuck. Yeah, I’m stuck. Students there, he’s there, watching. So, okay, here we go.

I start winging this thing around my head and Sifu Tim is being encouraging. He’s saying, Oh no, you gotta really let that thing fly. Let it go, go, go. And so I do.

Now, my thinking in this process is probably something you’ve encountered before. That’s the idea, like when you’re training, sometimes you’re so into it, you know you’re doing damage. Maybe it’s just a blister on your foot, or maybe it’s just some nagging wrist injury you’ve had, but you feel it being aggravated, and you have that choice to say, Well, do I wanna just back out right now? Or is there something worthwhile here that’s worth the pain and I’ll just deal with it later? And of course, the latter choice is the one I went with.

So I said, I’m going for it. I don’t know what’s gonna happen here, but I’m in it now, so go for it. So I wing these things around, both arms. I do my reps. I’m sweating, you know, it’s a heck of a workout. So in that sense, I had a good time. And I just thought, Well, we’ll see what happens tomorrow. If it’s a surgery, it’s a surgery, whatever.

All right, so the next day comes. And you know what? There was no additional pain to what I had already been living with. This was not a difference. There was no difference. And my whole world changed. Now, I know that’s going to sound dramatic, and I mean it to, because it was dramatic.

I’m kind of an OCD guy. I train every day. I’m always trying to get better. And when I got that death sentence, being told that I can’t punch anymore, or push ups and pull ups, and I had to just really limit myself. I lost some weight. It was a real kick in the gut. To suddenly put my body through this ridiculous trauma, I mean, the universe seemed to say, Let’s do completely the opposite of what the doctor told you. Let’s do completely the opposite of what your fears are telling you to do. Let’s just swing this box around, 12 pound box, lots, and see what happens.

To find out that it worked out okay, was like a brand new life had begun. And immediately, now that I had broken through that fear, I incorporated pushups back into my workouts. I went back to doing some pull-ups, modified a couple of things just to see, to learn again, like, Okay, now that I’m gonna do these things, let’s do them maybe a little smarter than I had before. Then re-modified how I throw my punches.

So, all in all, it was perhaps one of the greatest training experiences of my entire life, because it’s opened up the second half of my life, now that I’m just about 49 this week. It’s given me a whole new license to not think of myself as being smaller and weaker and doing less and less. It’s actually opened up opportunities, because in my modifications of how I punch and how I train, I’ve had new techniques coming into my repertoire.

I’ve changed how I move, and I think it’s better. I actually think I’m punching and moving better than I ever have before. And I never would have discovered that if I hadn’t been hurt and then put myself in a situation where I was given another way of moving, a new challenge.

Now, what’s the lesson here?

The lesson here is what you do on an everyday basis, what you consider normal or ordinary, is actually something special, has the potential to be something life-changing to someone else. Sifu Tim had no idea that I was kind of down in the dumps about my training, or that I felt limited, or that I felt that my career was narrowing. He had no idea. I didn’t tell him that.

And on the other half, I wasn’t looking for some magic pill. I wasn’t looking for some magic tool that was going to help open up my world. It just happened. His ordinary routine, that training tool that he’s had sitting there for years, and they’ve been using for years, was no big deal to him.

To me, I didn’t know what I was looking at. I’m just asking casually, What’s that? And yet at that moment, BOOM– my whole life changed.

Now, when I realized– I should back up one second here, in those couple of weeks right after that, I came back to Los Angeles and I had had this kind of experience where I woke up and I was OK. I realized I could get going in my training again. And I was all pumped up.

I tried to find some Mok Yee Pai, but those, as you might imagine, are not very common. Yeah, they’re kind of like kettlebells, but they’re not quite the same. I wanted my own pair because now they meant something to me. So I sent a video of myself on my phone back to Sifu Tim to say, Hey, I’m still doing this routine. I really love this. This is a big deal to me. I’d found like a medicine ball with a handle on it. I had some dumbbells that I did it with.

He just texted back, Oh, well, I’ll have to make you a pair. And of course, you think, That’s just a nice thing to say. I said, Oh, don’t trouble yourself. That’s a kind thought. But that’s fine. I’ll take care of it. I’ll figure out something.

No, no, I didn’t figure out anything. I went to the hardware store. I thought, Oh, I’ll saw something. No, I never will. Oh, I’ll get some of that quick crete and maybe some gallon jugs. No, no, I’m not going to do any of that. It didn’t work out. I’m not that handy.

So nine months passed. This brings us up to the current date. Nine months from that event, from that late August/ September time period, passes. And I get a text from Sifu Tim, and it’s a tracking number for a package. And he says, They’re on their way.

What? Really? Is it possible? They’re on their way– so he sent me two, right? These are the Mok Yee Pai, the wooden ear plaques. And they’re gorgeous, right? I mean, I’ll just take a second to admire the craftsmanship here. You can see why these things take time.

This is just solid wood. It says JR Woodwims on the bottom, so perhaps he had a partner helping him out. But look at this thing. Solid, all wood. This thing’s about 10 pounds. I’m having a great time with it. I touch it every day because it means so much to me. I like to remind myself that I can still wing this thing around my head. And even when I’m not using it, I keep it in my living room.

All right. Now, that might sound nuts. Fortunately, because the craftsmanship is so nice, my wife doesn’t mind. So I put this right in my living room, so that every day as I’m walking through, I can look at it. And it reminds me, this has become like my talisman, to say–

Hey, don’t accept limitations. Keep pushing, keep looking, keep trying, keep experimenting, because you never know when the next breakthrough is going to come through.

And that’s my bigger message here for all of us. Your ordinary is someone else’s special. So, even no matter who you are, just being you and just doing what you do has the potential to change someone’s life. And I think that’s a beautiful message.

Now, sometimes, especially if you’re a good person, you might get caught up in thinking, like, I do want to help people. I want to change the world. And so then you think you have to create a plan and you have to hustle. You have to go after that goal. But in my experience, it’s usually the opposite that works out, right?

Especially when I was younger. I was a very arrogant teenager and 20-year-old plus. And I thought if I just went around giving people advice– Hey, you’re smoking. Stop that. Hey, here’s how you should eat. Hey, martial arts is awesome. Hey, you should work out more. Hey, you should do this. You should do that. I got advice. I can fix your life.

It was all positive, right? Just like I’m doing now. It’s positive to give people advice. However, you cannot predict what they’re thinking, what part of the journey they’re on. Most of the time, they’re not in a place where they appreciate your advice.

You probably know what I’m talking about here, right? You have a friend, they’re in trouble, they’ve got a problem. Maybe they’re even asking you for help and you give them information. You give them some resources– they don’t take it. Then you get frustrated, like, Come on! I told you, you can just do this or just do that. Why can’t you do this for yourself?

Well, it’s not personal, not on your side of it. It’s nothing you’ve done wrong. They’re just not ready for that information yet, or they’re not ready to take action on it. And it doesn’t matter what you do or what you say. Don’t feel bad about that. They’re on their own journey, you’re on yours.

Your job as a human being is just to keep taking your journey. Live the best life you can. At some point, that will become meaningful to someone else. You don’t know who it’s going to be, you don’t know when it’s going to be, but you have to have some faith that it’s going to be.

This reminds me of episode #56, I believe, A Religious Experience. That’s what it was called. You might recall I was having a pretty down day. What? I get depressed? You bet. And I just happened to be taking a hike, and on the road, someone before me had written some words into the dirt, actually some biblical things as well. And it meant a lot to me on that particular day.

I don’t get depressed that often, but on that particular day, those words, those messages, meant a great deal to me. I don’t know who wrote them. I don’t know why they wrote them. I don’t know how long those words were there. I don’t know if I imagined the whole thing. I can’t tell. All I know is that there was a sign to me that day. It seemed like a sign from the universe to keep going and doing what I’m doing.

Now, in that episode, that was the message, right? That you are a sign from the universe. And I’m repeating that same message, that you are a gift. You are a special gift to the people that are in your life, even people you don’t know, people who just see you once, who have an encounter with you. That’s an opportunity to have influenced them in a positive way.

So, this is what I want you to think about. Keep doing what you’re doing and keep being who you are. That’s number one. If you’re a student in the martial arts or a student of anything, then my message to you would be to keep going even when you get discouraged.

I get emails and comments from people all the time who say their school shut down, their teacher passed away or moved away, they don’t have money right now, they had to move locations, or they’ve had an injury, some type of setback, a family emergency… but that doesn’t mean you have to stop training.

You always have the ability to do something. And as long as you’re in the game, then you have the opportunity to have your life changed. You don’t know when that breakthrough is going to come through. But if you’re in the game, things happen. If you show up, if you put yourself out there, if you ask the question, things can happen.

The only way you lose in this game of life is if you’re not playing. If you decide to hide away and give up and do nothing, then it is very difficult for you to ever have a success, to ever stumble into a good opportunity, to ever see that dusty wooden box and say, What’s that? And then suddenly have your life changed unexpectedly.

So you’ve got to be in the game. And if you do want to be a teacher, if you do still feel that compulsion to share something like I do– like I said, when I was a younger person, didn’t have videos and podcasts like this. I couldn’t do this. So I just shot my mouth off everywhere, and it wasn’t very well received. If anything, people resented the advice. I think you probably know what I’m talking about.

But nowadays, I still feel that compulsion to just share. Maybe just for my own processing of information, just to work it through for myself. They say when you teach, you learn twice. So this is good for me, and I hope in some way it will be good for you too. But I don’t know.

I can’t predict who exactly is going to listen to this, or when in their life they’re going to hear it. All I can do, if you want to be a teacher, is put yourself out there. Again, be in the game. Share what you have, and just have a little bit of faith that at some point, someone is going to be positively influenced by it.

Even making this video right now, I know that the views will not be high. This is not exactly something that you can search for, or something maybe people even want to find. But I have faith that maybe one person, someone, will stumble across it at that moment in their life where maybe some part of it will mean something to them. That’s what you have to go on as a teacher.

I know for sure, if you’re a teacher, your heart breaks often. You go into class, you have 20 students, you give them everything you’ve got, you share your life, you share your experiences, you share your discoveries, you’re encouraging them and trying to motivate them, and you’re sweating, and you’re losing your voice.

How many times after that class do you think, It didn’t matter. Nobody cared, nobody asked a question. You’re pretty sure no one’s going to practice any of that stuff at home. They come back to the next class and they don’t seem to remember anything you just did or said. And that breaks your heart, because you feel like all of that effort was for nothing.

Well, most of it was for nothing, but not all of it! And that’s the part you have to have faith in. You just don’t know what’s going to stick and what’s going to be meaningful. You can’t predict it. You don’t know if maybe that night nobody said anything, but three months down the road, one of them had a memory of something you did or said, and then it made sense to them, or then it mattered to them. You don’t know.

So all you can do is just keep playing the game. That’s the message here. If you want to fight for a happy life, you have to fight for a happy life. If you want a happy life, you have to do the fighting. That means you have to be in the game. You only lose when you give up, when you stop.

It’s very unlikely if you’re just hanging out in your house all day, getting high, and doing nothing, that someone’s going to knock on your door and change your life. It’s possible, maybe, you’ll see a video that’ll change your life. In this day and age– you know what, I should correct that. The technology allows us to still influence each other, even if you’re not out there in the game.

Maybe I’m a little old fashioned in thinking like that. That you have to go outside of your home to interact with other people and to be influenced. So maybe I’m wrong about that. Maybe you can stay home, give up on the game, do virtually nothing, and still find inspiration in something you just saw on TV or on the internet or heard in a podcast. So, okay, I stand corrected.

Whatever it is, be a searcher. Even if you’re sitting at home, be a searcher. Don’t give up on the game. Keep playing. I promise you, your ordinary is something special. And you may never know the influence you had on someone.

I can think of teachers that I had when I was a younger person, even now, that stick in my mind. And we’re talking, you know, 40 years ago. And I remember a certain teacher, the way he dressed. I was in a private Catholic school in my youth. And I know those people didn’t get paid much as I got older. And some of them would just wear terrible clothes and seem a little unkempt and not take a lot of pride in their appearance.

But one of those teachers always took care of himself. He only had a couple of different sport jackets, but he always wore a sport jacket. He wasn’t a rich person in any way, but he would always make sure his hair was clean, he had cologne, he wore a ring, he always wore his tie, perfectly tied. You could tell that he had self-respect.

That’s not the kind of thing that as a nine-year-old you remark upon. You don’t say, Hey, you know what? You really dress well and I see you have self-respect and I really like that. I think that’s something I’m going to keep with me for the rest of my life. You have no idea as a kid, but as I’ve gotten older, I always reflect on him.

He doesn’t know. He has no idea. Maybe I’ll look him up and try to tell him. But that teacher 40 years ago is still on my mind today and influenced me in a positive way. So just think about all the people that you’ve met, all the people that you’re meeting, and imagine the impression that you’re making on them.

You don’t have to be fancy about it. Like I said, just being you and just doing what you do is a gift. That’s your special gift. To the world.

Okay, that’s what I wanted to share. My thanks again to Sifu TW Smith for sharing this very special gift with me. Truly.

If this message meant something to you today, then great. If not, that’s okay too. Maybe 40 years from now, it’ll mean something. Either way, I hope you’ll consider sharing this podcast with someone you love. Maybe it’ll mean something to them.

Until next time, smiles up, my friend. Let that smile be your shield and your sword. Keep fighting for a happy life.

The post #71: Your Special Gift [Podcast + Video] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

So, if you’ve been using age as an excuse to sit on your butt and play video games or bingo, get up! Go sign up for a class right now.

Having said that, I do have some advice for the slightly more—ahem—mature folks out there. Play the video or scroll down for that. 🙂

Are You Too Old for Martial Arts?

Look, I’m not going to lie to you. If you’re 30 years old, never taken a martial arts class, and your dream is to become a UFC champ or a gold medalist in Olympic Judo, it’s too late!

Sorry! I hate to be a dream squasher, but that ship has sailed… and sunk. If you truly have your heart set on becoming a champion or winning a medal, then I would suggest entering a pie eating contest.

But if your goal is to simply to improve your life—you want to get in shape, toughen up, learn how to fight back against a bad guy, develop your balance, strength, and flexibility—then don’t think twice. Go sign up for classes right now.

Which style of martial arts should you take? Don’t worry—I have a video all about that. What Is the Best Martial Art?

Just remember that wherever you go, even if you can only make it to class once a week, it will still be worth it.

Even a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better!

So, whether you’re 20 or 120, go for it.

There.

Feel better?

We all love a good pep talk, don’t we? Well, I’m not done yet.

Here’s the ugly truth…

Training in the martial arts does get a little trickier and more difficult as you get older. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be typing this with an ice pack on my knee!

In my teens, if I threw a few too many punches or kicks, I’d wake up sore… but it was no big deal. I’d typically recover over breakfast and be back to full power by lunch.

In my 20’s, if I woke up a little sore, it would take a day or two to get back to normal.

In my 30’s, it would take two or three days.

Now, in my later 40’s, it often takes a week or two to heal up. But that’s not the crazy part…

The crazy part is that I sometimes wake up sore and beat up… and have no idea why!

No kidding. This past week, I woke up and both of my shoulders were separated. Well, that’s how they felt anyway.

Was I doing cartwheels the day before? Was I hanging off a helicopter? Nope. I have no idea what happened. All I know is that it’s going to be a week or two before I can lift the coffee pot.

So, to be honest, I’m frightened to imagine what might be coming once I turn 50. I may never be normal again!

Wait. “Normal?”

Did I say normal?

Let me tell you something—the way you define “normal” in your 40’s is not the same as how you define normal in your 20’s. I mean, in my 20’s, it definitely wasn’t normal for me to carry bandages, braces, and Advil in my gym bag!

Don’t get me wrong—I can still hit hard. In fact, I can hit just as hard today as I could when I was 20… just not all day, every day. Which brings me to secret to success for older martial artists…

The secret to success for older martial artists is mindset.

The question really isn’t are you too old for martial arts, it’s are you too immature for martial arts!

Let me give you an example. My hair was white when I tied on a white belt to take my first Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class. And in that class, there were a bunch of tough, terrifying 20-year-olds.

FACT: When a 40-year-old tries to match up to a bunch of tough, terrifying 20-year-olds, the 40-year-old will go home in pain and feeling like a loser!

But when I eventually grew up—when I stopped trying to be 20 again!—class got a lot easier. I just needed to change my goal to becoming the toughest, most terrifying 40-year-old I could be.

For the record, I still went home in pain, I just didn’t feel like a loser. Not all the time, anyway!

So, no matter what your age is, accept who you are. Accept what you can do, accept what you can’t do.

The older you get, the wiser you should be in knowing the difference.

So, now you know. Are you too old for martial arts? No—you’re never too old! I don’t care if you’re 20, 40, 60, or 100, if you’ve always wanted to try the martial arts, do it!

If you quit practicing the martial arts years ago and now you’re worried it’s too late to catch up, guess what? Every day you think like that is another day you fall even farther behind! Get back on the mats!

The point is life is short, my friend. If you want to do something, do it now. Otherwise, you’ll end up sitting in the same place five years from now thinking, “Man, I wish I’d started five years ago.”

Yes, as an older martial artist, the road may be a little steeper… your journey may take few more twists and turns… but I promise, the climb is still worth it.

The post Too Old for Martial Arts? Don’t Be Ridiculous! appeared first on Sensei Ando.

Martial artists are not normal people… and that’s okay!

In this episode, let’s take a closer look at what makes martial arts (and the people who practice them!) a little unusual.

You can watch the video summary here or listen and read below. Stay weird, my friend!

To LISTEN to, “Martial Artists Are Weirdos,” you can either:

• Play the show below. Or download to your device.
  
• Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher or Google Podcasts or Spotify.
  

To READ along, or if the player won’t play, you’ll find a full transcript down below.

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Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

Martial Artists Are Weirdos

TRANSCRIPT

Today on Fight for a Happy Life, are you a weirdo?

Hello and welcome to Episode #52 of Fight for a Happy Life, the show that believes a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better. Ando here and I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you.

The bad news is that, as a martial artist, you will never be perfect. Ever. There is always something more you can improve. Now, here’s the good news…

As a martial artist, you will never be perfect. Ever. There is always something more you can improve.

See what I did there?

The point is, either way, whether you want to focus on the frustration or the inspiration of improvement, our journey as martial artists is never-ending. Which means, if you haven’t given up yet, hey—you’re pretty cool.

You’re tough. You’re patient. You’re wise. Plus, you’re a leader, not a follower. I mean, the odds are that most of your family and friends don’t practice martial arts, which means you think for yourself.

But there is a dark side to thinking for yourself, isn’t there. Thinking for yourself might sometimes make you feel like an alien visiting from another planet. No one understands you. No one appreciates or recognizes your hard work.

But forget about everybody else for a minute. Let’s just talk about you. Without a peer group or support system, you might find yourself feeling that you’re not very good. You might worry that you’ll never be as good as your teachers. You might find yourself wondering if you’d be better off hanging up your belt and joining a softball team, taking a yoga class, or maybe signing up for Cross-Fit.

I understand. Believe me, I do. Let’s face it…

The martial way is a lonely way.

That’s why today, I have an important message for you. Two messages, actually. The first message is you are not alone. The martial arts—particularly the traditional styles—may never be popular, but there are still millions of students out there.

The second message, in case you weren’t sure about it, is that you, my friend, are a weirdo. Truly. And I’m proud of you for being a weirdo. In fact, I wish there were more people just like you. I’ll tell you why right now.

[03:05]  Okay, I’m just going to say it—martial arts is weird. Training yourself as a fighter or warrior is a weird way to spend your time. It’s an even weirder way to live your life.

It’s weird to let people punch and kick you. It’s weird to tie on colored belts. It’s weird to wear kimonos, drawstring pants, or spandex. It’s weird to bow to other people in a culture where bowing is not customary. It’s weird to imagine worst-case scenarios like being attacked by three people with knives and guns. It’s even weirder to imagine yourself crippling or killing all of them.

But hold on… before you think I’m insulting or mocking you, let’s take a closer look at the word “weird”. Weird doesn’t mean crazy or goofy. Weird, more properly, means abnormal… unusual…or different.

So, when I say that martial artists are weird, all I’m saying is that we’re not normal. Numerically speaking, the majority of human beings walking around on this planet do not practice martial arts of any kind. Never did, probably never will. Most people have no interest in doing what we do.

And isn’t that strange? I think it’s strange because most rational people have the exact same goals and desires that we have as martial artists.

• Is it weird to want to be in shape? No.
• Is it weird to want to speak up for yourself? No.
• Is it weird to rehearse setting boundaries with people who try to take advantage of you? No.
• Is it weird to practice getting someone’s hands off of you and maintaining control over your body? No.
• Is it weird to develop skills that will not only protect you from harm, but help you protect the people you love? No.
• Is it weird to maximize your powers and cultivate peace of mind? No.

The fact is if you ask most people, and I mean almost everybody, they would agree that taking martial arts is a great idea. Not just for themselves, but for their mom and dad, husband or wife, brothers and sisters, sons and daughters… for everyone!

In a world as crazy, unpredictable, and dangerous as ours, what kind of a maniac wouldn’t want their loved ones to practice speaking up and standing up for themselves?

And yet. And yet most people will never take a single martial arts class!

So, who are the true weirdos? Yes, by the numbers, we are. But if you use the word “weird” to mean “crazy” or “goofy”, well, I think we know who the weirdos really are. I mean, how can we be the weirdos when we’re the ones taking action to pursue the goals that everyone says they want to achieve?

Imagine if it was the other way around. Imagine, if you will, a world where the number of people who take martial arts is larger than the number of people who don’t. Imagine a world where practicing martial arts is normal and not taking martial arts is… weird.

Imagine approaching someone at a cocktail party and instead of starting a conversation with, “So, what do you do?” you ask, “So, what style do you practice?”

Imagine someone approaching you and instead of being asked, “So, I hear you’re into martial arts,” they say, “So, I hear you don’t practice martial arts. What’s that like?”

Unfortunately, we don’t live in that world. We live in a world where we’re the minority. We’re the strange ones. We live in a world where normal is strange and strange is normal. How crazy is that?

Now, I grant that there are some martial artists out there who make it easy for people to think that we’re all a bunch of weirdos. For example, I knew a couple of gentlemen—Caucasian gentlemen—who not only practiced Japanese arts, they also married Japanese women… and kept a breed of Japanese dog as pets. They both wore wise, little white mustaches. One owned a tea shop. The other spoke in a clipped rhythm as if he had an accent.

Now, I’m not saying they weren’t kind men, good citizens, or unskilled in the martial arts, but I could understand why someone meeting them might think, “Does this whackadoodle think he’s Japanese?”

I’ve met other martial artists who were happy to criticize their native culture and adopt—or pretend to adopt—the merits of a foreign culture. Now, to be clear, I’m not against anyone learning a foreign language, traveling to other countries, opening their minds to new ideas, or paying respect to the culture of their art.

I’m also not against tattoos of Bruce Lee, fancy clothes, or exotic haircuts. Hey—it’s your life, baby. But to me, the martial arts should be a journey of self-discovery.

Self-discovery is not as simple as exchanging one set of values and customs for another. That’s just playing dress-up.

Rather, I’d say true enlightenment and true empowerment are the result of defining your own culture and distilling your own customs.

If those happen to parallel someone else’s, beautiful—make the connection. Take comfort in not being alone. But my advice is to be careful about forcing that connection before you’ve done the work to truly know yourself or you’ll just make discovering the real you more difficult. And you, my friend, are worth knowing.

[If you need a pep talk on that subject, check out, Be You… If You Dare!]

[09:16]  Okay. Even though you are not, presumably, a whackadoodle, and even though you’re living a fairly honest life, I’ll bet some people still think you’re weird. Not strangers, mind you, I’m talking about your own friends and family.

When your peeps find out you’re practicing martial arts, I’ll bet you invite them to come with you, don’t you? I’ll bet you smile and tell them how great it is and they smile right back at you. But do they ever show up? Maybe you got lucky and persuaded one or two, but where the hell is everyone else?

They all said no. Not in person. In person, to your face, they probably said yes… but did they show up? Nah. They never show up. Even though they know they really should, even though they believe in the same values as you do, even though they have the same goals, they don’t show up.

And while you sit there shaking your head, wondering why they’re so weird for not coming to class, they’re sitting someplace else, shaking their head, wondering why you’re so weird for going to class. They’ll never say that, of course, but actions speak louder than words.

So, who are the real weirdos? To be fair, I think every human being is weird in his or her own way.

We’re all weirdos!

We all engage in peculiar habits and inconsistent behaviors. We all suffer from unfounded biases and unpredictable mood swings. But at the end of the day, we have to choose a side—martial arts or not martial arts.

I have clearly chosen to practice martial arts. I have also chosen to record podcasts and videos just to connect with other martial artists. If that gives you some comfort, or if there’s something in these shows that can make you feel less weird, then I will die a happy man.

[11:16]  So, let me say it loud and clear, my friend—I don’t think you’re weird for practicing martial arts.

I don’t think you’re weird for trying to tame your mind, body, and emotions through the practice of fighting.

I don’t think you’re weird for spending your free time punching, kicking, and screaming.

I don’t think you’re weird for allowing other people to punch, kick, and scream at you.

I don’t think you’re weird for fighting imaginary bad guys in the park, or your backyard, or your driveway, or garage.

I don’t think you’re weird for standing in a horse stance when you brush your teeth.

I don’t think you’re weird if you stand in the bathroom mirror practicing tough talk… every day.

I don’t think you’re weird for using a front kick to turn the lights on and off.

I don’t think you’re weird if someone surprises you from behind at work and your hands fly up automatically like a trained assassin.

I don’t think you’re weird for still trying to achieve a full split, even at the age of 50 or 60.

I don’t think you’re weird for walking around covered in bruises. I don’t think you’re weird if you’re actually proud of those bruises.

I don’t think you’re weird if you cry or puke after class because someone pushed you out of your comfort zone.

I don’t think you’re weird for going to Google to look up how to get blood stains out of your clothes.

I don’t think you’re weird if every time you buy a pair of pants or shoes, you sneak into the changing room and throw a couple of punches and kicks to make sure they won’t hold you back if you need to fight.

I don’t think you’re weird if you once had a pet, or currently have a pet, named Donatello.

I don’t think you’re weird if you stay up late to watch a terrible fight scene in a terrible movie simply because any fight scene is better than no fight scene.

I don’t think you’re weird if you sit in a restaurant planning an escape route or identifying everything that can be used as a weapon just in case dinner takes an ugly turn.

I don’t think you’re weird for driving five or six hours to attend a class with a teacher who you hope will be able to give you just one new idea that might enrich your practice.

I don’t think you’re weird for arriving at a tournament at 8:00 in the morning just to compete in a single event at 4:00 in the afternoon.

I don’t think you’re weird if one corner of your home is cluttered with staffs, sticks, and swords.

I don’t think you’re weird for sitting on the couch with an ice pack on your knee and a bag of frozen peas on your shoulder after class.

I don’t think you’re weird for walking up to a classmate and saying, “Hey—do me a favor and put me in a choke. No, really—choke me.”

I don’t think you’re weird for loving superhero movies and secretly believing in your heart that you can still become one.

I don’t think you’re weird for changing your diet, not to lose weight, but to see if it makes your punches and kicks any faster.

I don’t think you’re weird for keeping a weapon under your bed… or hidden in every room in your home.

I don’t think you’re weird when you see a martial arts school on the side of the road and pull over just to look at the mats.

I don’t think you’re weird for sparring against a tree or a shrub.

I don’t think you’re weird for hiding a smile when someone yells at you or insults you because you know, if you had to, you could take them out.

I don’t think you’re weird for bowing to someone outside of class just out of habit.

I also don’t think you’re weird for occasionally saying, “Osu!” to your boss.

I don’t think you’re weird if every time you pick up a broom or a mop you suddenly imagine yourself on a battlefield and start swinging it around.

I don’t think you’re weird if you stand in line behind someone twice your size and think, “Hmm. How could I take this guy down?”

I don’t think you’re weird for smashing empty cardboard boxes with hammerfists and stomp kicks before you throw them out.

I don’t think you’re weird for talking about your “master”.

I don’t think you’re weird when you’re watching MMA on TV and your friend asks, “Do you think you could take that guy?” and you reply, “In a real fight? Yeah. I’d have a chance.”

[15:41]  So, yes, martial artists are weirdos…but only in the best of ways. You’re tough, patient, and wise. You think for yourself. You take action. You follow through on the desires to achieve enlightenment and empowerment.

If everyone followed through on those desires, then everything I just listed would be considered normal.

• It would be weird to NOT turn off the lights with your foot.
• It would be weird to NOT wear sensible shoes.
• It would be weird to NOT stay in shape.
• It would be weird to NOT face our fears.
• It would be weird to NOT speak up for ourselves.

But until more people take up training in the martial arts, we are the weirdos. We’re the oddballs. The kooks. And that’s okay!

In fact, I want you to be proud of being weird. Because we’re different, we have the opportunity to be noticed. That means we have the chance to be role models. Leaders.

We can be examples to our friends and family of how it’s possible to take hits in life but never stop fighting. We can demonstrate how to endure hostility with a calm spirit and a clear head. We can be living proof that training in the martial arts leads to confidence, courage, and kindness. In that way, we can all make the world a better place.

So, never forget—just because we’re not making the popular choice, doesn’t mean we’re making the wrong choice. Far from it. Never let the giggles and whispers of others echo in your head and persuade you to give up.

Because if you do, you’ll end up just like everybody else. You’ll end up just another soul swept away into the deep sea of the majority. You’ll end up being normal.

Imagine that. You… normal. Now, wouldn’t that be weird?

[:]  Okay, weirdo, now get out there and keep being weird! The world needs more people just like you!

If you liked this show and want to catch the next one, be sure to subscribe on iTunes or your favorite podcast platform, then head over to FightforaHappyLife.com and sign up for my free email updates.

Until next time, smiles up my friend. Let that smile be your shield and your sword. Keep fighting for a happy life!

The post #52: Martial Artists Are Weirdos [Podcast] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

I got my hand crushed by a bully handshake once… and the pain taught me a lesson about self-defense and self-empowerment that I’ll never forget.

Whether you train in the martial arts or not, I think you’ll find this lesson unforgettable, too!

To LISTEN to, “The Bully Handshake,” you can either:

• Play the show below. Or download to your device.
  
• Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher or Google Podcasts or Spotify.
  

To READ along, or if the player won’t play, you’ll find a full transcript down below.

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Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

The Bully Handshake

TRANSCRIPT

[START]  Today on FHL, the bully handshake.

Hello again and welcome to Episode 43 of Fight for a Happy Life, the show that believes a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better.

 Ando here and as always, I’m so very honored that you pressed play. I, of course, value your time, and well, it’s very hot in here today, so, let me just get right to it, okay?

Today, a blast from the past. A story from my grade school days that led to a lesson that still sticks in my mind every single day. Get ready for the bully handshake.

[01:05]  The year was 1983. I was in seventh grade. In my class, there was a strong, tall, young man named Mick. And Mick was a bully. The rumor around school was that Mick’s dad was pretty rough on him. And as some kids who get roughed up at home tend to do, Mick found relief by roughing up others. And on this particular day, he was rough on me.

Now, I can’t remember exactly how the trouble started, although it’s very likely that my trash-talking and arrogant sneer on my face had something to do with it, but I do remember how the incident ended—with a handshake.

We had argued about something, I know he wanted to punch me, I was somehow smart enough or lucky enough to talk him out of killing me, punching my teeth out, and then at the very end, Mick offered his hand as a sign of good will.

“No hard feelings. Let’s shake on it.” That kind of thing.

Of course, it was a trap. And I walked right into it. I shook his hand and immediately the clouds darkened. Now, Mick—he didn’t say a word. He just stared at me and started squeezing. And squeezing. He squeezed so hard that I literally dropped to my knees.

Hey! Did you ever see the movie Superman 2 with Christopher Reeve? Do you remember that scene where General Zod thinks Superman has lost all of his powers and he demands that the son of Jor-El, Superman, take his hand and kneel before him? But in fact, Superman still had his powers so when he takes General Zod’s hand, he just crushes it, and you hear the bones crunch. And then he picks him up and throws him into a chasm.

Well, it was just like that. No, I didn’t get throw into a chasm, but I definitely was Zod and Mick was definitely Superman in this one. Oh—a funny little sidenote here…

When I moved out to Los Angeles in my 20’s, I actually met Christopher Reeve. That was really exciting. I mean, I was only eight when the first Superman movie came out and I was 10 for part two. Now, of course, I knew Christopher Reeve wasn’t really Superman, but on the other hand, Christopher Reeve WAS really Superman! You know what I mean. It gets weird.

So, anyway, when Christopher Reeve offered me his hand and said, “Hi, I’m Chris,” I freaked out.

I looked at his hand in front of me and all I could think was, “Holy shit! That’s the hand that crushed General Zod!” Such a strange world we live in, isn’t it? Anyway, God rest his soul.

Where was I? Ah, yes—I’m on my knees and Mick still wouldn’t let go. He just stood over me, breathing through his nose, while I was writhing in pain, swallowing my screams, and trying not to wet my pants in front of my friends.

Eventually, after what felt like forever, Mick was satisfied and he let me go. He didn’t say a word. He just let go and walked away. I mean, on some level, I respect that. What a perfect performance. I mean, if you’re going to be a bully, that’s the way to do it.

For me, having my hand slowly and silently crushed was far more frightening and intimidating than hearing him scream at me, or call me names, or punch me in the face. I mean, anybody can punch anybody, right? There’s nothing mysterious or supernatural about getting punched in the face.

But that grip! To have the grip strength to put me on my knees, and then just stand there without saying a word, man, it seemed liked black magic.

[04:57]  I think I’ve made the point before that when you’re sparring, or you’re fighting with punches and kicks, all of that happens really, really fast, and you don’t have that much time to reflect on how weak and helpless you are. But a bully handshake is slow. It’s grinding. It’s unstoppable. It’s the kind of attack that feels just like Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

When you’re stuck underneath somebody, you not only lose, you have time to know that you’re losing. You have time to see your ego evaporate. You have time to feel helpless and pathetic. The bully handshake doesn’t just crush your hand, it crushes your soul.

Okay. So, now let’s flash forward a few years. It’s 1989. I’m a student of Tae Kwon Do. One night in class, the instructor announced that we’d be working on handshake defense.

Yeah! Wow! Up until that moment, I hadn’t really thought about what happened with Mick. I had put my handshake humiliation in some small compartment in my head. I never thought about it again. And even when I started training in the martial arts, I put all my attention on developing punches and kicks, not handshakes. I mean, that’s the cool stuff, right?

When was the last time you saw handshake defense in a movie? Frankly, I didn’t even know that bully handshake was a category of self-defense. I thought my hand getting crushed was some kind of fluke. It was a one-off. But I guess not.

Anyway, as promised, my instructor demonstrated a wide variety of tactics to deal with an aggressive handshake. He showed a thumblock, he showed a wristlock, showed a throw and a takedown… it was all good stuff.

But for me, the coolest move, the coolest technique, was a trick. A simple self-defense trick that you can do right now without moving one muscle. I’m going to share this trick with you right now.

Are you ready? Here it is…

The handshake trick. Okay. Stick your hand out like you’re going to shake someone’s hand. Okay. Curl up your hand just a little bit and put your fingers together— don’t let them spread out. Put them together so they’re touching. Are you ready? Here it comes.

Now, just tense your hand. Just tighten up all your muscles as if your hand is made of iron. That’s it. The goal here is not to squeeze the other guy’s hand. You’re not trying to crush his bones. You’re just bolstering the structure of your hand so it can take a squeeze. Does that make sense? Cool. Now, play around with that a little bit and let me know how it goes.

Anyway, on the night when I first saw this trick, my instructor challenged me to squeeze his hand as hard as I could. And I did. And then when one hand didn’t work and have nay effect on him, I used two. I even leaned into him… it didn’t matter. He just stood there staring at me. Just like Mick stared at me!

That’s why I love this trick—it’s a reverse bully handshake. While the bully is staring into your eyes, waiting for you to panic, you can stare right back, waiting for him to give up. And you can have the same arrogant look on your face. Or maybe that’s just my face. Whatever.

The best part? You don’t even have to practice this trick, right? You can do that right now. So, for me, in the world of bully-busting, it doesn’t get any better than this.

As a matter of fact, this bully handshake defense technique made me so happy, that I used it as a party trick for years. Any time the topic of martial arts came up, and people would ask me to show them a move, I didn’t have to kick over anyone’s head or do a fancy form. Nope. I would just say, “Here. Go ahead—squeeze my hand.”

And it worked every time. Didn’t matter—big guys, little guys, everybody. They’d grab hold, they’d double up, they’d grunt… and I would just smirk. Now, don’t get me wrong—it does get uncomfortable sometimes. I mean, you can still feel the pressure of the squeeze, but for whatever reason, it never turns into pain.

[09:10]  So, the point is my handshake trick worked like a charm for years. The only problem was, as time went on and I got into my late 20’s and early 30’s, there weren’t as many opportunities to use my trick. I guess as testosterone drops, so does the need to challenge you or to prove yourself. Whatever the case, it seemed as if I would never get to use my handshake trick again. It just sat in a box in my head getting dusty.

But all of that changed when I started working with kids. In my mid-30’s, I took a full-time job at Dawn Barnes Karate Kids here in Los Angeles, and that gave me the chance to work with literally thousands of young students, some of whom, yes, can get a little cocky about their skills.

Now, sure, I could always put on some sparring gloves and knock them around a little, but I found that one of the easiest ways to suggest to my overconfident students that there is always more to learn was the handshake trick.

Yes. I dusted it off. I brought it out. I would challenge them to grab my hand and squeeze just as my instructor had challenged me. And boy, did they squeeze. They squeezed like crazy.

They would hang on my arm, they would scream, thrash, turn red… they really tried to hurt me. Kids are fun like that, right? But I’d just laugh. I would trash talk. “Come on, tough guy… is that all you got?”

This was my party trick back in its fully glory, baby! It was a hit. Until… one day.

One cold, dark day. Actually, it was warm and sunny, but it didn’t feel like that to me.

I want you to meet Daniel. Daniel was a junior black belt in our Karate program. A tall, skinny, 12 year-old, junior black belt. And he was cocky. He didn’t start off that way, but like many martial artists, as his skill grew, so did his ego. And one night, after class, he was mouthing off a little bit and I knew just what to do.

So, I set the trap. “Hey, great class tonight. Put ‘er there.” He took the bait, shook my hand.

“What— is that your hand or a noodle? Come on, tough guy. Squeeze my hand.”

Nothing. There were a couple of other students watching and giggling as Daniel dropped his sparring bag so he could use both hands. But I just stood there, smirking like I always did. And as I started another round of trash talk, that’s when I heard it—POP!

What was that? Did this fucking kid just break a fucking bone in my fucking hand?

Yes, he did. Or maybe he just popped it out of place. You know what, I can’t tell you exactly what happened, because it wasn’t serious enough for me to go to the hospital, but it did hurt.

To be honest, I sometimes think that the POP was actually the sound of my ego snapping in half. Whatever the case, I played it off. I peeled Daniel’s cocky little hands off mine, I gave him a big slap on the back, and told him, “Better luck next time, Karate Kid!”

Everyone left with a smile, no one suspecting for a moment, that Sensei had a broken hand. Nobody realized that Daniel had put me back on my knees, psychologically speaking. But the second the door closed and I was alone, man—I sank into a chair, held my hand, and tried to figure out what the hell went wrong.

Was Daniel that strong? Was I suddenly that old and weak?

Oh, the irony. Here I was trying to instill humility into a cocky student and instead, a cocky student instilled humility into a cocky teacher. On that night, it was the young man who taught the old man a valuable life lesson—

Tricks are tricks and skills are skills.

Let’s face it—human beings love shortcuts. We love hacks. We love tricks. Whether it’s for getting into shape, saving money, or getting a bad guy off your back, hey, if there’s an easy way to do something, we want to know what it is.

But even though hacks and tricks can sometimes boost our progress, ultimately, I’d still say you’re way better off doing the work and building real skills. Skills that will lead you to success even when all of your tricks have failed you. A trick may help you lose ten pounds, or save a few bucks, or impress people at parties, but listen—

Relying on tricks to build health, wealth, or defend your life is a terrible and, yes, even dangerous strategy.

Now, I’ve talked about the dangers of being a “one trick pony” back in Episode 11. In that show, I blamed the ego for keeping us stuck in a rut. Discover a trick that works and then just keep using it over and over and over again—that’s a rut. And if our one trick doesn’t happen to work, well, then we blame it on somebody else or make an excuse… anything to prevent ourselves from admitting that hey—maybe we’re not as smart or as skillful as we think.

But there’s another reason why we get stuck in a rut—laziness. Experimenting with new ideas and developing new techniques takes work. It takes patience… faith… grit… guts.

[14:58]  Now, you see one trick ponies in every walk of life, but for the moment, let’s talk about martial arts. Here’s what I see on the mats…

A beginner worries about being choked. Then they learn an escape from a choke. Then they strut around believing that no one can choke them! They go from scared to smug in one quick step.

It sounds very odd to say, but I’m telling you, a little self-empowerment can be dangerous. Empowerment is dangerous when you let one good trick become your only plan. When you let one good trick make you think you can’t lose. When you think you’ve learned all you need to know. I know this isn’t new to you, but I’m going to say it anyway—

Confidence is cool, but cocky will get you killed.

No duh, right? So, okay—if we all know that, then why is smugness and even arrogance so common in the martial arts? Why are there so many martial artists who believe that their style is “the best”? Why do you see so many students practicing moves that you know will never work under pressure?

Well, it’s really no mystery, is it? As I’ve talked about before, most people in the martial arts are nice people. Kind people. I mean, what type of person signs up for a martial arts class in the first place? Do you think it’s someone who feels tough, and confident, and powerful, and now just wants to develop some humility by getting tossed around and beat up a couple times a week?

No! It’s usually the opposite. Most students feel like they’re already getting tossed around and beat up out there. They’re good people looking for a way to improve and protect themselves. They come to the martial arts seeking comfort, confidence, and control. And well, yes, maybe sometimes to lose a couple pounds of fat or gain a couple pounds of muscle. That’s fine.

So, what happens? Well, when you teach good people to punch, kick, and take somebody down, they get everything they were looking for. It doesn’t matter if you’re six years old or sixty, a martial arts class may be the first place where a good person thinks—

Hey, I’m not weak, I’m strong! I’m not scared, I’m brave! I’m not a wimp, I’m tough! I’m no victim, I’m a hero!

Yeah, you feel power in your body, in your voice, in your knowledge… and you like it! It’s a rush. You’re grateful for it. You’re loyal to it.

But watch out! Because if all of that power is left unchecked, if it’s left unchallenged, well, then your confidence can transform into overconfidence. That’s why it’s a teacher’s responsibility to move his or her students through a never-ending sequence of experiences that evoke feelings of both dominance and helplessness.

Students should experience being comfortable and in control as well as being uncomfortable and under someone else’s control. If your teacher or style is not providing you the opportunities to explore and work through both extremes, then listen—you’ve got to take on that responsibility on your own.

Keep this in mind—if you’re always winning, you’re not learning as much as you can. If you’re always losing, you’re not learning as much as you can. Your goal as a martial artist is to seek out training experiences where you can be both dominant and dominated.

Sometimes you have full control over what’s happening, sometimes you have no control over what’s happening. Sometimes you crush, sometimes you cry.

One extreme builds confidence, the other builds humility. And that to me, is the mark of a true martial arts master… the balance between confidence and humility.

[19:04]  Now, I spoke about that balance in our very first episode—that’s right. Are You a Fighter? In that show, Episode 1, I suggested that to be a truly powerful person, you should be able to choose your behavior in any given situation as opposed to merely reacting out of habit. You don’t want to be forced into doing something out of fear or arrogance. You should not be living your life at the mercy of habit. You should not be predictable.

Instead, practice being passive and aggressive, quiet and bold, conservative and crazy. By developing both extremes in yourself, then you can move forward living your life strategically and purposefully, instead of haphazardly and accidentally.

But it’s not easy. I’m not going to lie to you. It takes constant vigilance to stay humble and keep learning, especially if everything’s working for you and you feel like you’re at the top of your game. But you know, history has proven again and again that the minute you get smug in your business, or your relationships, or your training, the second you get cocky about what you know or the way you do things, you are setting yourself up for a big fall.

No matter who you are, it’s just a matter of time before some cocky 12-year-old kid comes along and breaks your hand.

Consider this—when Mick put me on my knees, I felt helpless. When I learned the handshake trick, I felt invincible. And I was wrong both times!

I wasn’t helpless against Mick, I just didn’t give myself permission to fight back. And obviously, I wasn’t invincible against Daniel, I just put too much faith in a trick.

Why? Why did I do that? Why did I believe in a self-defense hack for so long?

Because my confidence was so crushed by Mick to begin with. My ego was so eager to feel like a winner again, that I jumped on the first technique that made me feel smart and strong again.

It’s like that old saying, which I only recently heard for the first time, believe it or not: “A drowning man will clutch to a straw.”

That’s the popular version anyway. What I heard was: “A drowning man will grasp at a feather.”

Ooh… I love the image of that feather. Either way, you get the point. When we lose, when we feel helpless, when we lose control, that’s when the danger of becoming desperate appears. That desperation clouds our judgment and leads us to a distorted view of reality. A dangerous view.

Sure, if you delude yourself in business, hey—maybe you just lose some money. If you delude yourself in a relationship, hey—maybe you lose a spouse. But if you delude yourself in self-defense, maybe you lose your life.

So, don’t let that happen to you! Be honest with yourself when you think about what you know. Seek clarity when you consider what you can do.

Make it your goal in training and life to know what it feels like to crush someone’s hand… and to take someone’s hand to help them stand up.

Know what if feels like to put someone on their knees… and to bend your own knees when it’s time to show respect.

When you can act freely on both ends of the behavioral spectrum, then you can focus on figuring out when to step up and when to step back. That’s what maturity is all about. That’s what mastery is all about.

Learning how to balance confidence and humility— that’s the real trick.

[23:14]  All right. Let’s get out there and create some peace, people. As martial artists, we should be brave enough and strong enough to be the first to smile… and the first to offer our hand. Don’t you think?

Hey— if you enjoyed today’s show, don’t miss the next one. Drop by FightforaHappyLife.com and sign up for my free updates.

Until next time, smiles up, my friend. Let that smile be your shield and your sword. Keep fighting for a happy life!

The post #43: The Bully Handshake [Podcast] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

I hope you’ll take a moment to check out this video or read the transcript below. Either way, be on the lookout for martial arts lessons everywhere you go. Keep learning, my friend!

Kung Fu Lesson at the Grand Canyon

Science still can’t say for sure whether it took six, 16, or 60 million years to form the Grand Canyon, but it’s safe to say that it all started with just a little trickle of water making its way across the land.

Sometimes a trickle, sometimes a torrent, the important thing is it never stopped. And eventually, it cut deeper and deeper into the rock and it created something amazing. Something epic. Something grand.

That’s why I see more than just rocks out here… I see Kung Fu.

Two words—Kung Fu. Effort and time.

That’s what’s so cool about Kung Fu… they give you the secret to success right from day one! Work hard for a long time.

If you do, well, then maybe one day you’ll be a master. Maybe one day you can create something amazing. Something epic. Something grand.

So, my question to you—

What are you working on?

What rock are you cutting into?

Don’t make the mistake of letting time go by without doing some work, my friend. Do something today. Right now.

It can be a trickle or a torrent, but keep going. Keep flowing.

CUT THE ROCK.

Boy. You know, the other thought I have as I look out into the abyss is—

“Life means nothing. I am nothing. Maybe I should just jump.”

Don’t jump…

WORK!

Keep going. Keep flowing. Keep fighting for a happy life.

The post Kung Fu Lesson at the Grand Canyon appeared first on Sensei Ando.

What did piano lessons teach me about being a better martial artist? A lot!

In this episode, I share a few tips for building a better life by doing more of less, instead of less of more!

To LISTEN to, “Back to Basics”, you can either:

• Play the show below. Or download to your device.
  
• Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher or Google Podcasts or Spotify.
  

To READ along, or if the player won’t play, you’ll find a full transcript down below.

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Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re released.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

Back to Basics

TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to Episode #41 of Fight for a Happy Life, the show that believes a little martial arts makes life a whole lot better.

 My name is Ando, you know that, and as always, I’m happy, I’m excited, I’m thrilled, that you could drop by.

Now, I’m going to warn you right now… you’re not going to like today’s show. That’s because I’m going to nag you to practice your basics. Most people hate practicing basics. But maybe you’re not like most people. Maybe you’re smarter than the average wanna-be martial arts masta.

What am I saying? Of course you’re smarter! You’re listening to this show! You’re a friggin’ genius. Clearly, you have excellent taste. But I’m going to nag you anyway.

Why? Well, I need to nag myself. The truth is every one of these podcasts and videos and articles I put up on my website is really a reminder to me to get my priorities straight and do things right. I share what I need to learn. And if sharing what I need to hear can help get you where you want to go, too, then I’m a happy guy.

So, here we go… let the nagging begin.

[1:44]  Like many children, my mom signed me up for piano lessons. My teacher, Miss T, would tell me to sit up straight, raise my wrists, and curve my fingers. So, I did. She showed me how to play all the basic scales and very simple songs like, Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.

She also told me to practice. Practice my basics. And like many children, when I practiced, it didn’t take long before I was looking out the window, bored and grumpy. And when a student gets bored and grumpy, that usually leads to breaking some rules. And that’s exactly what I did.

First, I slouched. Then I wondered, “What happens if I don’t raise my wrists? What if I play with flat fingers?” And do you know what happened when I broke all those rules? Nothing. I could still play all the basic scales. I could still play Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. And if you closed your eyes, you’d never know if I was playing with proper posture and proper mechanics or not.

This, my friend, is a critical moment in every student’s learning process. This is the moment when a student begins to distrust their teacher.

“Why would Miss T tell me to do something that doesn’t make any difference? Why should I listen to her advice?” Thinking like that marks the origin of the rebel movement or the rock ‘n’ roll culture. This is exactly how people begin to believe that the rules don’t apply to them. That tradition should be overthrown. That anything old-fashioned is a waste of time. But in most cases, they’re wrong. Very, very wrong. Here’s why—

The most critical mistake you can make as a beginner is to forget that you’re a beginner.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re learning how to play piano, throw a punch, or just live life as a teenager… if you ignore the experience of your elders, if you disregard the advice of those who have gone before you, you’re just going to make it harder on yourself.

Let’s go back to the piano. If you continue with piano lessons, you will be expected to play more complex music. You’ll be asked to play with every finger, not just one or two. You’ll be required to play at faster and faster tempos. Your recital piece will increase from one or two minutes to a half-hour. You’ll eventually learn that playing piano is as much an endurance sport as it is a musical performance.

So, while the beginner is absolutely correct in thinking, “Hey, I don’t need proper basic technique to play, ‘Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star,’” the beginner is dead wrong thinking, “I don’t need proper basic technique to perform a Franz Liszt piano concerto.”

If you try to play an advanced piece of music with bad posture, lowered wrists, and flat fingers, not only won’t you be able to play it, you’ll probably fall off the bench and hurt your head. The lesson here is that playing at the highest levels is only possible for those who practiced the proper basic technique right from the very beginning.

The same is true in sparring. When you begin in martial arts, maybe your teacher tells you to keep your hands up. But maybe you only attend a beginner’s class and you only spar with other beginners. And since they’re not very good at attacking, you find that you don’t really need to be very good at defending. You don’t need to keep your hands up. So, then you conclude, hey, the rules are made to be broken and you can do things your way, not the teacher’s way.

Okay. But then you move up another level and start fighting with students with real skills, advanced skills… and now you get rocked. Your bad habits are getting you beat up.

It’s no different off the mats. I can think of a couple of friends—and I’ll bet you can, too—who back in their 20’s said the heck with building a career, the heck with saving money. And now they’re almost 50—no job, no savings, no health care, no retirement plan, no security whatsoever. It’s only now at an advanced age that they realize that all that old-fashioned wisdom they ignored, all the advice they thought was stupid, was important after all. And now it’s too late. They’re getting beat up, too.

That’s why it’s important to remember, whether you’re a beginner in the martial arts or anything else… investing in the basics doesn’t pay off in the short-term, it pays off in the long-term.

[6:34]  Have you ever thought about how the basics became the basics in the first place? The way I see it, the basics were created by winners. The people who succeeded in what they were doing. The winners looked back at their long journey and they figured out the most important ideas, the most important tools, that led to their success, then they passed them down to the beginners to help them become winners, too.

The basics are the building blocks that can be combined and sequenced to get you to the advanced levels of whatever it is you want to do. So, if you want to play at the most advanced levels of piano, martial arts, or life, you should listen to the winners. And if they say start with A, B, and C, then you should commit yourself to mastering A, B, and C.

Now, as easy as that may sound, there is a complication here—committing yourself requires faith in your teachers. Unfortunately, not all teachers are deserving of your faith. Some teachers are just repeating what they heard from the winners, which is not always the same thing. Sometimes teachers don’t hear the winners correctly. Or they change what they were told. Or they stopped working before they made it to the advanced levels themselves, which means now they’re missing information. Worse, they might simply make up information to fill in the blanks in their own experience.

You see this in every walk of life, but for sure, in martial arts. I can’t even tell you how many martial artists I have met in person or online who tell me how they’ve created their own style. They say, “Yeah, I did Kempo for 4 months, some Wing Chun for about a year, and oh, my friend is a boxer, so I just took the best of everything and put it together.”

Oh, did you? Well, sorry to tell you, but most of the people who talk like that suck. I’m just going to say it like that. They suck. As much as I respect anybody training in the martial arts, that level of ignorance is dangerous.

Maybe if these guys only practiced by themselves, hey, that’s one thing, but when they take on students or present themselves as experts, that’s just reckless.

Now, to be clear, I’m not against people making up their own style. Every style you can name was made up by somebody, so do your thing. But being a beginner in three different martial arts does not make you an expert of anything. Actually, you’re an expert in quitting. That’s it. You have mastered no basics. You have developed no skills. Your opinion is based on first impressions.

Yes, martial arts is a personal journey, which means, hey, you can pick and choose whatever methods and techniques work for you. Fine. But if you’re only picking and choosing from what you learned in a month or even a year of training, or off of videos, off of YouTube, how can you possibly tell if something works or doesn’t? If you think you can judge that quickly, then I would say your standard of evidence is low. Ridiculously low.

Personally, I’ve been practicing martial arts for 30 years and only now am I beginning to consolidate everything into my own thing. And I’m still learning! I still take classes and private lessons. And I’m not telling you that to make it sound like, oh, I’m the greatest martial artist who ever lived—I’m not–but if I tell you something works for me, you can believe that I’ve tested it over and over again.

[10:11]  I not only committed myself to learning and practicing the basics, I had faith to stick it out to see where those basics led. Which is why, today, I believe in the basics more than ever. And that’s why I’m nagging you to believe in your basics, too.

I tell my students all the time that advanced techniques are just basics done better and together.

If a white belt throws a front kick and a black belt throws a front kick, they shouldn’t really look the same. Even though it’s the same move, the black belt’s precision, control, consistency, and power should make it seem like a very different movement.

Now think about a jump front kick. A jump front kick starts with a good stance with legs bent. Then a jumping knee to get you moving. Then a front kick in the air. Then you land back in your stance, balanced, ready for the next move. Now, if any of those basic movements have not been practiced enough—the stance, the knee, the kick—then the whole technique falls apart.

If you can’t throw a front kick on the ground, then how are you going to throw it up in the air? You can’t. This applies to all advanced techniques. I mean, if you can’t perform a hip throw on a willing training partner in the dojo, how are you going to pull it off on an unwilling attacker on the street? You won’t.

It’s very hard for students to understand that. We all want to jump ahead and do something fancy. But listen to me—fancy is built on basic.

When students fall apart in the middle of trying a fancy throw or a cool takedown, I see it all the time, they get frustrated. They get frustrated with themselves or sometimes they get frustrated with me. They say, “Hey—this move doesn’t work.” And I say, “Oh, the move works… you don’t work. Your stance is weak. Your head is up too high. You don’t rotate your hips. You hold your breath. In other words, go practice your basics. You have to do the work to make it work.”

Now, I don’t want you to think I’m being whiny about this. My Kung Fu teacher, my BJJ teacher, and the best Karate guy I know, they all complain about their students not knowing their basics. Not drilling the fundamentals. Like me, they get frustrated because they’ve told their students from day one how to succeed. But they won’t do it. And why is that?

Because most people prefer learning new techniques to finding something new in their old techniques. Most people want a shiny, new toy to play with instead of polishing the toys they already have. Most people go wide in their quest for knowledge and skill instead of deep. They go outside instead of inside. But true masters, the winners, yeah, they don’t have these problems.

Imagine what would happen if we could get back to basics and focus on the fundamentals in every part of our lives instead of trusting in shortcuts and hacks and gimmicks.

• What are the fundamentals of building a happy relationship?
• How about the basics of building your business?
• What about your health?
• Or your finances?
• What are the basics behind making you feel fulfilled as a human being?

Wait—did I say imagine what would happen? Hey, how about actually doing it!

I hereby challenge you—yes, you!—to take the time to identify the fundamentals in every part of your life and then commit yourself to mastering them. The odds are you already know exactly what you should be doing… now it’s just a matter of having the faith to commit to it once and for all.

Now, I don’t want you to be too hard on yourself if you’re not already a master of the basics in every part of your life. That’s a tall order. Here’s the truth—

It takes years to be a good beginner.

It takes time to respect the rules. To value the basics. To see what works and what doesn’t and why. To stop seeking the new and appreciate the old.

It’s especially hard in the martial arts where there are so many shiny toys to choose from. So many moves. So many styles. For a very long time, I thought more was better. I wanted to learn as many moves from as many teachers in as many styles as I could. But it was overwhelming. And frustrating.

I figured out pretty fast that it was going to be impossible to see and remember every move from every style. And even if I could see and remember every move from every style, guess what? There would never be enough time to practice it all. You simply can’t be a master of everything. It’s hard enough to master one thing. Which is why it’s so important to get back to the basics. To turn your focus back on what you already know.

To practice more of less, not less of more. That’s the path to mastery.

[15:33]  As a teacher, I can tell you how I know when someone is on the wrong path. It’s actually very simple. Whenever I hear someone say that practice is boring, I know they’ll never be a master. If I ask a student to go throw 100 punches and they groan or roll their eyes, well, they’re telling me they don’t understand the learning process.

Now, I’m going to tell you something you probably won’t believe, but it’s true—I have never been bored during practice. Never. Ever. Not once. Piano, yes. Martial arts, no. Maybe that’s the best way to figure out what to do with your life. Find the activity that bores you the least.

For me, practice is only boring if I’m not focused on improving. If you tune out and focus on counting to 100, or you’re staring at the clock, well, then no wonder you’re bored—you’re not practicing correctly.

You’re supposed to be focused on getting better with each rep. You’re supposed to be going through emotions not just motions.

You should feel frustrated, you should feel inspired, you should feel encouraged, you should feel the excitement of discovery, you should feel pride in accomplishment, then return to frustration again when you find something new that has to be improved.

No joke—practicing for me is as exciting as watching an action movie. I’m the hero battling against the impossible task of becoming perfect. In my experience, when you turn your practice into an emotional journey, you’ll build skill and knowledge. You’ll also build character and confidence.

Here’s another way I can tell if a student is on the path to mastery or the road to mediocrity. After running a drill, it doesn’t matter what it is, it could be push-ups, it could be a form, it could be sparring, it could be just meditating for a moment, I’ll ask, “Was that easy or was that hard?”

Most students puff up their chests and say, “Easy!” They think if they can get through a drill without working hard, without breathing hard, without sweating, well, they must be good at it. Wrong answer!

I suggest to these students that if something is easy, then you weren’t really trying. I mean, call me crazy, but nothing is easy if you do it with 100% of your mind, body, and spirit.

Let’s imagine you’re a world-class sprinter. Let’s say you’re in the Olympics. You’re in great shape. You’re one of the fastest people on the planet. You are a master runner. And when that gun goes off, and you explode off the blocks, even if it’s just the 100-meter dash, would you ever say that was easy? No! Running at an advanced level takes everything you’ve got. At least if you want to win.

And the same is true for every single thing that you do… and that includes practicing your basics. To really focus your attention, to really coordinate every muscle fiber, to really feel the movement, you must work.

So, don’t be so easy on yourself when you practice. Your training should exhaust you mentally, physically, and emotionally. If you practice like that, I promise, you’ll never be bored again.

Before I wrap up, I want to address an issue for teachers…

This might apply to you right now or maybe some day in the future. Okay, you know that beginners love to ask questions, right? Why is my hand on my hip? Why do we turn this way instead of that way? Why do we practice this horse stance? We never use it!

Well, I want you to recognize that a question is an attempt to build faith in what you’re teaching. They want to believe in what you’re doing, but if they don’t have a reason to do something, they probably won’t. So, if you respond to a question by saying, “Don’t worry about that now,” or, “Because that’s the right way to do it,” or the worst one, “Because I said so,” well, just be warned that you’re pushing your students in the wrong direction. You’re actually pushing them towards the door.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about that wise guy student who keeps asking, “Well, what if this,” or “What if that.” I have no patience for that. I’m talking about questions that will reveal the value of fundamentals.

I don’t care if a student is five years old, if they ask me a good question, I will give them a good answer. I’ll show them how what they’re practicing right now leads to an advanced skill later. Now, not every teacher will do that, but I really do think you should.

[20:30]  When I think back to my piano teacher, would you believe me if I told you I never actually heard Miss T play the piano? Nope. I would go to lessons, sit down, and she’d just tell me what to do. That’s it.

But imagine what might have happened if when I asked her why I need to raise my wrists, she had said, “Oh, I’ll show you why,” and then launched into a ferocious, awe-inspiring piece of music. Something that made me say, “Wow!” I think I’d be so inspired that I would do anything she said. I’d have faith. I’d commit to mastering those basics. But when teachers just shake their head and tell you to do it because I said so, well, then you just shake your head right back and think, “Well, this is a waste of time.”

Over the years, I’ve met both types of teachers, on the mats and off. When I asked one teacher why we do something, he’d say, “I can’t show you that now, but someday I will.” Another teacher would say, “Oh, here’s why,” then grab me and throw me on the ground. With the first teacher, I left in four years. With the second teacher, I’ve stayed for over 20.

Which is probably why the best advice for teachers and for anyone wanting to have an influence on the world is to lead by example. Show people what you can do. Deliver the goods. Put on a show. Then when people ask you how you do that, well, you can say here’s how—start with these basics.

Unfortunately, in some martial arts, you’ll find teachers who won’t even let you see advanced techniques. They hold separate classes for different skill levels, which is fine, but then they prohibit the beginners from even watching those classes. I mean, wow! I don’t like that at all.

When you create a culture of secrets like that, here’s the message that you end up sending… what you’re doing in the basics class is not that important. The advanced material is so valuable that we protect it, but the basics, well they’re not valuable, so we don’t protect that stuff.

What a completely misguided message. Let me tell you something—I’ve been in the back room. I’ve been to the advanced seminars. I’ve felt the touch of world-class masters in multiple arts. And do you know what I found out? It all comes back to basics.

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of fancy moves out there. There are sophisticated concepts and techniques that will blow your mind. But… none of them will work if your basics suck. Period. And the world-class masters, yeah, their basics don’t suck.

Now, it’s a little deceiving because when you deal with the big boys and girls, you may not see the basics, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t there. In Kung Fu terms, you might say the external has become internal. But you can sure as heck feel them. And once you know what to look for, you really can see them.

The basics are only invisible to people who don’t know their basics.

So, now you know. The secret to advanced techniques is no secret at all—practice your basics. Work them with a focus on improvement. Work them with your full attention and effort. And don’t just work the basics in martial arts, work them in every part of your life.

• Don’t spend more than you earn.
• Don’t eat more than you burn.
• Be clear in your communication.
• Be honest in your business dealings.
• Eat healthy foods.
• Get a good night’s sleep.
• Keep your promises.
• Say please and thank you.
• Say I love you to the people you care about.
• Brush your teeth.

And be consistent.

If you master the fundamentals, when the challenges come and the pressure is on, you’ll be prepared. You’ll be ready to stand your ground and put up a good fight. That’s not just the secret to mastering the martial arts, it’s the secret to a happy life.

The post #41: Back to Basics [Podcast] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

In this episode, I share a powerful lesson in success I learned from an unlikely teacher… a homeless man.

To LISTEN to, “Change Your Pants, Change Your Life”, you can either:

• Play or Download the show below.
• Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher or Google Podcasts or Spotify.
  

To READ along, there’s a transcript down below.

If you’d like to support the show, sharing a link with a friend or leaving a quick review over at iTunes would be great. Thanks!

Oh—and don’t forget to sign up for free email updates so you can get new shows sent to your inbox the minute they’re published.

Thanks for listening! Keep fighting for a happy life! 🙂

Change Your Pants,
Change Your Life

TRANSCRIPT

[Starting at 2:09] Not too long ago, I was driving home from Kung Fu class here in sunny L.A. when I came to a stop sign. I was just one block from my place, I was running late to meet my wife, so yeah—I was a little annoyed when a gentleman stepped off the curb and crossed the street in front of me, taking his sweet time.

But I relaxed a little bit when I realized that the gentleman was homeless. He was thin, mid-50’s, unkempt beard, and very sun-burned skin. Watching him cross in front of me gave me a moment to slow down and count my blessings. Especially when I noticed his pants…

He was wearing cream-colored pants and they weren’t just dirty—they were soiled. Yes, I’m saying that this poor soul had defecated in his pants. It was clearly visible.

Now, I don’t want to give you the impression that I give aid to every homeless person I meet or that I’m some kind of saint, because I don’t and I’m not… but on that that day, the vision of that man walking in those pants was unacceptable. It was over the line. So, I sat there thinking, “What can I do?” And it hit me. I’m only one block from home. I’ve got pants I don’t wear. I’ll run home, grab a pair of pants, chase him down, and give them to him. Yes. That’s exactly what I’m going to do.

So, I hit the gas, screeched up the driveway. I marched inside. I told Kate, my wife, to stand back because I was on a mission to hand out pants. I rushed over to my closet and immediately spotted what I needed—not one, but two pairs of brand new Dockers. One light tan, one medium tan, because, you know, I’m a flashy dresser.

Now, a quick backstory. Those pants had been hanging in my closet for over 10 years, but I never wore them. Why? Well, they had cuffs on the bottom and pleats on the top. When I bought them, I thought they looked cool—that’s why I got two pairs. But when I got home, Kate told me I was wrong. She said they weren’t cool. She said real men don’t wear pleats. She said I should take them back.

So, like any good husband, I said she was crazy. I said real men wear whatever the hell they want to wear. And I kept them. And for 10 years, every time I looked at those pants hanging in my closet, I felt a surge of pride that I had held my ground. I never wore them, but I didn’t take them back, either. Which is why now giving those pants to a homeless man would be a perfect ending. Kate would never see me wearing pleats, I would never have to admit defeat, and someone in need would benefit. Everybody wins.

So, I grabbed both pairs of pants and threw them in a plastic bag. And that’s not all… I threw in an old belt, too, because I’m classy like that.

[05:19] Okay. So, now, I run outside, jump in the car, and I peel off to find the homeless man. At the rate he was going, I figured he couldn’t have gotten far… and sure enough, I spotted him just a couple of blocks away. But there was a problem…

As I drove up on him, it hit me—I can’t give him the pants. I mean, what am I supposed to do? Roll down the window and say, “Hey, man—looks like you need some pants,” then throw the bag at him? That would be humiliating! That would be like saying, “Hey, man—I see you filled your pants there. I got you some new ones.”

AGH! Nobody wants to hear that. I mean, if I was homeless, I’d be horrified if someone threw a bag of pants at me. I don’t want to know that somebody knows what happened in my pants. That’s personal. Now, you can call that ego or machismo, I don’t know, but it just didn’t feel right. So, I pulled over and I tried to figure out how I could give him the pants without this poor soul knowing that I knew he needed pants. Is that a ridiculous situation or what?

Thankfully, the answer presented itself all on its own. I’m even tempted to call this a miracle. See what you think. As I sat there stressing out, I watched the homeless man cross the street into a supermarket parking lot. In the parking lot was a clothing donation box. You know, one of those large metal bins where you can drop off old clothes and shoes. Even better, this bin was full, so there were bags of clothes stacked up all around it.

The homeless man, I figured out, was heading over to the bin to find a new pair of pants. So, all I had to do was drive over, pretend I didn’t see him, and drop off the plastic bag. That way, he’d find the pants and he’d never know that I knew. And even if he happened to see me, I’d just give him a smile and say, “God bless you,” and be on my way.

Wow. It was a perfect solution. Like I said, I’m no saint, but at that moment, I could not help but feel that I was part of God’s plan.

Off we go. I got on my white horse and I rode into the lot. The homeless man was busy poking into the bags. He didn’t even notice me. Just to make sure he didn’t miss the pants, I untied my plastic bag so they’d be clearly visible. Then I hopped out of the car and I walked to the far side of the bin so I wouldn’t disturb him. But no luck. He saw me anyway. And as planned, I give him a nod and said, “God bless you.”

He said nothing. Or maybe he did say something. You know what? I can’t be sure because at that moment all I could hear were heavenly trumpets and singing angels. Either way, I walked back to my car and I drove off to park across the street.

Why did I park across the street? Well, because I wanted to see the moment—the glorious moment—when this poor soul discovered the miracle of two brand new pairs of Dockers. And a belt. The moment when his faith in the universe and a loving God was renewed.

And sure enough, the gentleman poked his way over to my plastic bag. He took out the belt and he set it aside. My heart filled with joy. Then he took out the first pair of pants. He held them up in the light and set them aside with the belt. Hallelujah.

He pulled out the second pair, gave them a quick look, and put them back in the plastic bag. Then he packed up the other pair. And the belt.

Then… to my astonishment, he kicked the bag aside and walked off down the street.

That’s right, my friend. The homeless man apparently agreed with my wife that real men don’t wear pleats. This sad soul decided that he would rather keep wearing soiled pants than change into new ones. Even though it was 90 degrees out. Even though they were his size. Even though they were free of charge. Even though they came with a belt and a spare.

No more trumpets. No more angels. I was in shock. I sat there for 10 minutes trying to figure out what went wrong. I still don’t know.

Eventually, I drove home and told Kate how the homeless man rejected my Dockers. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her laugh harder. Talk about the ultimate “I told you so.” As a result, I not only lost my faith in God, I lost my faith in my fashion sense. I don’t think I’ll ever buy a pair of pants again. Not without Kate’s approval, anyway.

[10:19] So, why am I telling you this story? Well, thanks to that gentleman, I now imagine everyone walking around in soiled pants.

Every one of us is walking around with something that we not only should change, but that we can change, but for some reason, don’t.

And everybody knows it! We’re not fooling anyone.

Sure, some of our shortcomings may be a secret, but most aren’t! I’ll bet there are things that you’ve known about yourself, and have been told about yourself, since you were a kid. Things that you want to change, that other people have suggested you change, but you still haven’t changed.

It’s tricky because seeing ourselves honestly is not always easy. It’s also not easy to know if what we hear from others is true or not. It’s also true that we sometimes see our faults as strengths. Maybe people say you’re stubborn or confrontational, but you see those as good qualities. You’re proud to be someone who sticks to your guns or speaks up for yourself. Same traits, different spins.

So, how are we supposed to what to change and what not to change? How can we tell if what we see as our strength is actually something that’s holding us back? Simple. Look at the results you’re getting. Forget about who you think you are and look at what you’re achieving.

If you’re not learning, if you’re not improving, if you’re not finding more fulfillment in your life, something needs to change.

That’s why it’s so important to know what you want out of life, how you define success… that way, you’ll have a way to measure your progress. If you’re not progressing, no matter how hard you think you’re working, no matter how cool you think you are, no matter how well you think you’re dressed, you’re really just walking around in dirty pants.

We’re all presented with opportunities to improve our lives in small and big ways every day. My challenge to you, once you’re clear about what you want out of life, is to recognize all of the ways you can make your life better. Then take action on as many of those opportunities as you can.

What are the most obvious things you can change about your life right now? Where pair of pants can you put on today? It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time. All it takes is a commitment to do something.

It could be as simple as getting 15 more minutes of sleep every night. Wouldn’t that be nice? Or how about turning off your phone during dinner? Or starting your day with five minutes of deep breathing? Or clearing the clutter from that one corner of your home. Or maybe every time you feel yourself getting frustrated in traffic or at work, you immediately think of something that makes you feel grateful.

Maybe you can’t afford a new car right now, but can you afford new floor mats for your old car? Maybe you can’t afford a whole new wardrobe, but how about new underwear? That always makes me feel better! Let me give you another personal example…

For years, when I worked out, I wore tattered wrestling boots, old sparring gear, and a grubby mouthguard. Here I am making a living as a professional martial artist and every time I pulled out that gear, I felt like a bum. So, what did I do? One day, I had enough. I went out, I spent a few bucks for new shoes, new gloves, and a new mouthguard. Maybe all told, that was like 120 or 130 bucks.

And guess what? Now, every time I gear up, I feel like a million bucks. I feel like the professional I always wanted to be. I see that new gear and I remind myself that I’m worth the investment. You think that sounds superficial? You think that sounds stupid? You’re wrong.

Making even the smallest change to improve your life not only reflects how you feel about yourself today, it expresses where you see yourself going in the future.

Of course, as powerful as small steps can be in improving your life, you can also take big steps. You might quit your job, go back to school, start a new business, break up with a partner, or maybe you move across the country. Admit it—you think about taking some big steps all the time. You’re probably thinking about one right now. And you probably have the ability to take a big step right now. So, why aren’t you?

[14:53] Let me tell you about a big step I made not too long ago. When I saw the first UFC, like most people, I recognized the importance of ground fighting. But I denied it. For years, even though I knew in my heart that I should find a wrestling class or take up Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, my ego always talked me out of it.

My ego refused to admit I was ignorant. My ego told me I was too good to be taken down. My ego convinced me that even if I did get taken down, those few ground fighting classes and seminars I had already attended were good enough. I already knew everything I needed to know. I didn’t need to practice.

But guess what? I was walking around in dirty pants. It wasn’t until my late-30’s, 16 years later, that I was finally able to tell my ego to shut up. I felt vulnerable. I felt scared. I needed help. And so, I signed up for a class. I put on new pants—new gi pants—and my life, not just my fighting, improved immediately. I’ll do a whole show about that at some point, but for now, just know that…

Sometimes a small step leads to a big step forward and a big step leads to a quantum leap!

Now, a little heads up. Taking steps to improve your life doesn’t just change you, it’s going to change the people around you. Or at least how they see you. Some people will applaud the steps you take. Some people will criticize. But you know what? People are already applauding and criticizing you, so what’s the difference? The faces may change, but the mix of reactions will always be the same. You can’t control what people think, you can only control what you think.

Consider the homeless man. Some people may laugh at him. Other people may cry for him. Some may view him with disgust. Some may look at him with sympathy. Some may feel frustrated or even angry at his refusal to improve his situation. Who’s right? No one. His choice, his life.

Just remember this—when you refuse to improve yourself, when you don’t change your pants, it has an effect, one way or another, on everyone around you. Can you think of someone, right now, who feels sorry for you? Who wants more for you than what you’re currently getting? Can you think of someone who is worried about you? Maybe who thinks you’re making the wrong decisions in life?

Or let’s go darker. Can you think of someone who is happy that you’re not making progress? Who laughs at you for not following through on your plans? Can you think of someone who is frustrated with you for not utilizing your talents to their full potential? Can you think of someone who actually feels more successful because you’re less successful?

Of course, my first concern is what you think of you, not what others think of you, so let me ask you directly… how do you view yourself when you don’t follow through on your goals? How do you view yourself when you let opportunities go by because of a fear of failure, fear of success, or a fear of judgment from friends and family?

Are you angry with yourself for not doing more? Do you laugh at your own resistance to change? Do you feel sorry for yourself because you think you don’t have the right connections or resources to do what you want to do?

Do you see the homeless man the way you see yourself?

Consider this—the only thing worse than walking around in soiled pants is refusing to change into clean pants when you have the chance. So, if there’s an opportunity for you to improve your life, big or small, take it.

I’ve said before that people really aren’t so different. Everybody wants money. Everybody wants success, a happy family, good friends, good health, free time, happiness… but not everyone is willing to take the steps and do the work to make those dreams a reality. What are you willing to do? What steps are you ready to take?

Don’t kid yourself… nobody can do it for you. Sure, if you find people along the way who will push you, provide for you, open doors for you, great. Say thank you. But if that’s what you’re counting on, if that’s what you’re waiting for, then don’t be surprised if your life stays the same. Don’t be disappointed that you never found success. Don’t complain that life is hard. The truth is you had the chances to build the life of your dreams and you didn’t take them.

So, do the work. Invest in yourself. Take every opportunity to im prove your life. Then go make opportunities to improve it even more.

Stop wearing dirty pants… torn pants… pants that don’t fit. Change your pants and change your life.

The post #40: Change Your Pants, Change Your Life! [Podcast] appeared first on Sensei Ando.

I hate practicing in front of other people because there’s always somebody with something to say. Yes, once in a while, someone will ask, “Are you doing Kung Fu? Cool! I’ve always wanted to do Kung Fu!”

I love that person. Unfortunately, that’s not who usually approaches me. Usually, it’s a critic—a crazy critic. Example…

I was working out at a football field. The stadium was empty except for one middle-aged guy jogging around the track. Still, not taking any chances, I moved behind the bleachers so I wouldn’t attract his attention…

It didn’t work. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the guy stop jogging and walking across the field in my direction.

I knew what he was going to say. Sure enough, he called over—

“Hey—you’re doing that wrong.”

No “hello”. No “how’s it going”? Just walked up and punched me in the face with a critique.

Now, I’m not saying this guy was evil. I’m sure he meant well. Which is why, when I get sucker punched with advice, my reaction is always the same—

Smile… nod… take the criticism… say thank you.

In this case, the fellow told me that when I do an upward block, I have to step out of the way in case I miss.

What he didn’t know, what he couldn’t see, was that I wasn’t practicing upward blocks! That’s just what he thinks he saw.

Because he didn’t know what I was doing, his advice was completely worthless and a waste of time.

The same thing happens at the gym. Even when I purposely train at off-hours… even when I purposely wait for everyone to clear out so I can be alone… once I start working the bags, out of the corner of my eye, here comes another critic—

“Hey—you’re doing that wrong.”

The critics have told me to turn my hand when I punch. Or add more snap. Or raise my shoulder.

Good advice? Sure… if I was punching!

But what they didn’t know, what they couldn’t see, is that I wasn’t punching. It just looked like a punch.

Now, don’t get me wrong… I love advice. I want advice. I pay good money for advice. I drive across town for advice. But there’s a big difference between good advice and bad advice. Between smart, constructive criticism and meaningless, mean-spirited criticism.

Unfortunately, the world—and definitely the world of martial arts—is filled with crazy critics. I talked about this in Karate Is Stupid and Other Ignorant Comments.

• Tai Chi? Too slow.
• Aikido? Unrealistic.
• Tae Kwon Do? Too fancy.
• BJJ? Get off the ground.
• Systema? What—that crazy Russian spy stuff?

In the world of martial arts, making fun of other styles is as common as bowing. But it goes deeper than that. Even within your own style and within your own school, I’ll bet you’re hit with empty criticism and bad advice.

Example 1. You’re practicing a kata or a drill. Your teacher gives you a correction. Maybe he or she tells you to slow down and make your movements flow into one another.

So, you practice your moves slower and with more flow. Your teacher sees this and walks over, but instead of saying, “Good job!” tells you, “You’re too slow. Your techniques should snap.”

You nod with a smile, but secretly, you’re thinking, “Snap? I’m only moving slowly because you told me to! Make up your mind!”

Example 2. You’re sparring. Your partner stops and says, “Hey—use your kicks. I keep giving you openings and you never take them.”

You nod with a smile, but secretly, you’re thinking, “I’m not working on kicks right now, I’m working on punches. In fact, I’m trying NOT to throw kicks. And by the way, you’re not that great, either, so how about you just focus on you and I’ll focus on me. Okay, hotshot?”

Again, I’m not saying your teachers and fellow students are jerks. They want to help. Yes, sometimes they may give you advice just to boost their own ego or to remind you that they’re your senior, but that’s okay!

If an egomaniac gives me good advice, that’s a win-win situation—I learn and they feel important. The trouble starts when their advice misses the mark. Or makes no sense. Or doesn’t apply to you.

When that happens, their bad advice might make them feel better, but it only makes you want to strangle them with their own belt.

So, that raises the question—what’s the difference between a smart critic and a crazy critic? Simple…

The crazy critic gives you advice before knowing what you’re doing or why you’re doing it.

They shoot without aiming. Which makes about as much sense as throwing a life jacket to someone standing in the desert. Or jumping on someone’s chest when they fall asleep and administering CPR.

In the words of Max Bialystock, “Don’t help me!”

Sadly, there’s no solution for stopping people from giving you bad advice… although training alone in the basement with the lights off is a good start. But can we stop ourselves from being a crazy critic?

Can you be sure that you’re giving good advice when you’re the teacher, when you’re the training partner, when you’re the stranger walking up to make a comment, when you’re the outsider looking through the window of another school?

Yes!

How to Give Good Advice

Here are two challenges to help make you a smart critic. If you accept them, I think you’ll find yourself saving time, growing smarter, helping others, and building a happier life. If you don’t… then you must be crazy!

Challenge #1: If you want to give good advice, ask first, advise second.

That’s it. Aim before you shoot.

Understand that when you begin a conversation with a statement or an opinion, you’re presuming that you see everything there is to see. You lock yourself into viewing life through a filter of your own making. You repeat what you already know. But the fact is—

You can’t see everything. You don’t know everything.

Think of all the different martial arts techniques you could possibly practice…

Now multiply those techniques by the myriad of ways you could practice them…

Now multiply that number by all the different body types, personalities, training goals, and training levels of all students.

You end up with a mind-boggling web of possibilities, right? So, how can anyone presume to know what someone else is doing?

Maybe that punch is actually a sweep. Maybe that person is working on their back foot while you’re watching their front foot. Maybe that person has an injury.

You don’t know! And you’ll never know, or see life clearly, or learn anything new, if you don’t ask a question first.

The funny thing is that when critics gives me bad advice, they don’t even realize that they’re the ones missing out on the opportunity to learn something new or at least see something from a new perspective. They’re so busy telling me what they think, that they don’t get a chance to hear what I think.

No, I’m not saying that every thought in my head is worth hearing, but they’ll never find out if they don’t give me a chance to speak.

So, the next time you want to give advice to someone, STOP.

Is it possible there you’re not seeing the whole picture? Can you enter into a conversation seeking information before sharing information? Will you allow humility to lead you to the possibility of learning something new?

All you have to say is, “What are you doing?” Or, “It looks like you’re working on your punches… am I right?”

That’s how you avoid becoming a crazy critic. Ask first, advise second.

Challenge #2: Stop criticizing… period!

Okay, that’s ridiculous. Criticizing is as natural as breathing! I mean, if stopping criticism is the mark of spiritual enlightenment, then I will die a fool.

So, how about a more realistic challenge? I’ve got one.

But first, can we agree that the vast majority of our critical thoughts are a complete waste of time and energy? You hate this, dislike that, find that man’s voice annoying, can’t understand why she wears those clothes, and on and on and on. It’s a bunch of noise!

Here’s an example of criticism at its noisiest and most worthless…

I mailed a letter the other day. As it happens, the mailbox in my neighborhood is located right in front of a doughnut shop.

As I hopped back in my car, an SUV pulled up and parked next to me. A heavyset woman stepped out and headed into the doughnut shop. I’m not calling her “heavyset” to be mean, it happens to be a fact.

The point is, when I saw her walk into the doughnut shop, I mumbled to myself, “Come on, lady… you don’t need a doughnut.”

I’m not proud of that… but I am shocked! Shocked because the words fell out of my mouth without even thinking, which means either my brain is wired, or has been trained, to criticize all by itself.

And this was worthless criticism! It served no one.

Did my criticism help the woman? No. Did it help me? No. So, what was the point?

There was no point! It was just noise.

Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s possible to turn off that noise. We’re critical creatures… which is not always a bad thing.

But if we can’t stop the noise, can we find a way to turn all of that meaningless, negative criticism into constructive, good advice?

Yes!

Challenge #2 (Revised): When you criticize others, criticize yourself, too.

For example, after I criticized the heavyset woman for buying a doughnut, I immediately considered my own diet. It wasn’t pretty…

Believe it or not, that same day—only a couple of hours earlier—I had eaten half a cherry pie for breakfast.

Yup. Not just any pie… a good pie. A $24 pie! I ate the whole thing in less than 24 hours.

So, really, who the heck am I to sneer at a woman I don’t even know for eating a doughnut? That’s hypocritical and ridiculous.

True, I’m not overweight, but there’s nothing healthy about eating a whole pie! I was asking my body to process more junk than she was.

When I realized that, I scolded myself and made a promise to not binge on pies anymore. I also made a promise to spend my money more wisely. I mean, $24 for a pie?

Will those promises last forever? Probably not. But for the next week, I cleaned up my act and led a healthier life.

That’s how we can turn snark into strategy… gossip into good advice.

The moment you shake your head at the guy who lights up a cigarette, STOP. Think about your own breathing. Have you taken a deep breath today?

The moment you shout at the driver who cuts you off in traffic, STOP. Think about your own driving. Are you paying attention or are you distracted by your phone?

The moment you raise an eyebrow at that lazy co-worker, STOP. Think about your own work habits. Are you making the most of your time?

The moment you smirk at that guy in class who throws sloppy side kicks, STOP. Think about your own techniques. Isn’t there something you can improve?

It’s a sad fact that we often make ourselves feel better by pointing out the flaws in others. But when you turn that sharp, critical eye back on yourself, you might discover something interesting—what you criticize most in others is often what disappoints you most about yourself.

Maybe all that criticism isn’t just noise. Maybe it’s you screaming advice at YOU!

If that’s true, then let me ask…

Are you ready to listen to your own advice? Are you ready to take aim at yourself and attack the flaws that bother you so much when you see them in other people?

If you are, then seek to see things clearly. Seek to hear yourself honestly.

That’s how you turn bad advice into good advice. Empty criticism into life-changing wisdom. That’s how you become a wise teacher instead of a crazy critic.

This article is a summary of Episode #39 of the Fight for a Happy Life podcast, The Crazy Critic.

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