The Attitude I Hate Most in Martial Arts

You run into lots of different attitudes in the martial arts. Let me tell which one I hate the most—

Smug.

Confident? I like. Cocky? I don’t mind. But smug? There is absolutely no place for that in the martial arts. Or anywhere. And yet…

Years ago, after an Aikido class, I was sitting on the mats with a female instructor. The discussion led to the topic of sexual assault.

Since all of our training had dealt exclusively with defending yourself on your feet, I asked if Aikido can be applied on the ground. Here’s what she said—

“I’m not worried about that. Sensei showed me a trick or two.”

“Really? You’re not worried at all?”

“Believe me—if anyone ever tries to rape me, they’ll be sorry.”

Wow.

It wasn’t her choice of words that I found annoying… it was her attitude.

She nodded at me with her eyes half-closed, a smug smirk on her face. There was nothing more to say. She left no room for doubt or discussion.

I was shocked. Then angry. Here’s why—

It’s one thing to delude yourself into believing you’re invincible, but how dare anyone allow their students to believe that self-defense is no big deal. How dare anyone pass down the attitude that fighting for your life is a snap once you know “a trick or two”.

Reckless. Irresponsible. Dangerous.

Look—I don’t wish pain or injury on anyone… well, that’s not true. I wish many people pain and injury. But putting criminals, scumbags, and bullies aside, the only people I’d love to see get a good smack in the head are the smug.

Believe it or not, I say this out of love. It’s for their own good!

Unfortunately, the smug are everywhere nowadays. The internet is loaded with videos of martial artists showing how to fight off a violent attacker. Even attackers armed with knives and guns.

Nothing wrong with that! I’m shooting some how-to videos now, too. But here’s the problem—

Many teachers demonstrate their skills with the attitude that fighting is “no problem”. They make it seem like all you have to do is this and that and ta da! Bad guy down.

A smug teacher makes fighting look easy. A smug instructor implies that nothing can go wrong. A smug sensei makes it appear that failure is not a possibility.

Which is nonsense! Pure nonsense.

No one, I repeat NO ONE, in the martial arts should be so impressed by their own skills that they teach with a smirk. An attitude like that might not only get them killed, it might get their trusting students killed.

Don’t get me wrong, if I’m fighting for my life, I must believe that I can survive… and I do. After all, what’s the point of training hard if not to improve your confidence and chances of success? But smugness is two steps beyond confident and one step beyond cocky.

Smug makes you sloppy. Smug makes you stupid. Smug makes you drop your guard.

That’s why when it comes to teaching self-defense, you’ll never see me smirk. Sure, I’ll talk trash and joke around, but you’ll never catch me sticking my nose in the air and allowing my students to believe that fighting is easy.

Do you know why?

Because no matter how hard I practice, I still fail!

I know how easy it is to slip up. I know how fast I can get hurt. I know how quickly I can be outnumbered, overwhelmed, and overpowered.

Which is exactly why smart self-defense teachers and true martial arts masters avoid fights at all costs. There’s no such thing as a sure thing!

To be clear, I’m not saying you should walk around trembling with fear, believing you have no chance at surviving an attack. An attitude of helplessness is just as dangerous as being smug. Instead, the secret to success is found between the extremes.

The most powerful attitude for success lies between feeling scared and feeling smug. You should believe you’re capable, but not invincible.

For most martial arts students, finding that balance takes time. Some people start off on the shy and insecure side, requiring years of training to develop and believe in their power.

Others start off on the cocky side. That was me. I was an arrogant jerk who not only overestimated my capabilities, I underestimated what I could learn from others. Until the martial arts kicked the smug right out of me.

After years of being punched, kicked, and pinned, I realized how foolish it was to place myself above anyone. Not just because you never know who might kill you, but you never know who might be able to help you.

When taught properly, the martial arts teach humility like nothing else. That humility grows into respect—respect for others and respect for yourself.

So, as you continue training and learning, be on the lookout for smirks. Smirks are for jerks.

No one should be smug. Not you, not your teacher, not anyone.

If you see an arrogant smirk on someone’s face in the dojo, do them a favor—knock it right off their face.

And if someone knocks that arrogant smirk right off your face?

Bow your head… and say thank you.