Is That the Real You or Just Window Dressing?

On a vacation stroll through the historic neighborhoods of Savannah, GA, my eyes were drawn to a pair of weathered, blue shutters. They caught my eye because they were attached to a home with hinges, not screws or nails. In short, these were real shutters.

Where I grew up, shutters were merely for show, a decorative element. You couldn’t swing them shut. They weren’t  even large enough to cover the window!

In addition to seeing hinges, I was also surprised by the shutter holders—you know, those doohickeys at the bottom that hold the shutter open?

So THAT’S where that swirly design motif around window frames comes from! I had no idea there was an actual function preceding that form.

As I reflected on the difference between real shutters and their phony, modern counterparts, I had to wonder—why do human beings feel such a strong need to hold on to things and ideas that no longer serve a purpose?

Like those pockets on jackets and pants that aren’t really pockets.

Like paying for a landline when you own a cellphone.

Like the step-through frame on women’s mountain bikes. (Do women really ride trails in hoop skirts?)

Like wearing wedding bands on the “ring finger”.

Like calling the glove compartment a glove compartment even though you don’t keep gloves in it.

Like your appendix. (Okay—you didn’t have a choice on that one.)

Clearly, human beings find certain traditions to be comforting even when their meaning or purpose is lost. Traditional martial arts are no different. Many schools practice movements that lack any clear function. But rather than discard the movements, teachers either pass them on without meaning, or make up meanings of their own… an exercise that reveals a teacher’s brilliance or utter madness.

Those old blue shutters also led me to consider the traditions of my own life. Are my habits and behaviors real and functional or decorative and meaningless? Am I making progress towards my goals or merely going through the motions?

And what about the impression I make on others? Do they see the real me or just window dressing?

What about you? If we met for lunch, would I be talking to the real you? Would I be sitting with the latest, updated version of you or someone wearing a torn mask, frayed around the edges by old habits and broken dreams?

Maybe you’re asking yourself the same questions. If so, you may find it valuable to tally up all the time and energy you’re wasting on rituals that have lost their meaning. For example—

• Sending Christmas cards to people you haven’t spoken to in years.
• Keeping friends on Facebook you don’t consider friends.
• Wearing clothes that don’t fit your personality anymore.
• Paying for a gym membership even when you never go.
• Making payments on a car or house that’s not within your budget.
• Showing up to a job but never putting your heart into your work.
• Saying yes to obligations you don’t want to do.
• Eating junk food even though it makes you feel lousy.
• Taking your partner or kids out for dinner but spending more time on your phone than with them.

The list can go on and on. And it all starts by taking a good look at yourself and how you spend your day. Yes, this can be an uncomfortable process, but make no mistake—if you want your garden to grow, you must diligently prune away as many weeds as possible.

Weeds take up space and suck up resources. As anyone who once owned a Walkman, VCR, or a pager can tell you, times change… fast. You’ve got to pay attention and keep up. Not just with technology—with yourself. You change pretty fast, too!

So, who is the real you?

To rediscover the real you, I recommend sitting down and asking some big questions from time to time. Like right now! Ask yourself–

• What are the three most important things in my life? What can I do to give those things more attention?
• When am I the happiest and most fulfilled? What can I do to feel that way more often?
• What do I feel compelled to do before I die? What can I do today to make sure it happens?

Here’s the funny thing—we’re all very good at making “to do” lists, but not so great at making “stop doing” lists. Logically, you can only add so many new tasks to your “to do” list before you’re overwhelmed, burnt out, and unable to accomplish anything.

So, forget the to-do list…
make a STOP DOING list!

You only have so much time, energy, and enthusiasm at your disposal. If you’re going to have any chance at finding the real you and getting what you want out of life, you have to let go of what you have outgrown and stop doing things you don’t need to do.

So, open the shutters to what you should be doing and close the shutters on everything else. Once you get rid of all the window dressing… once all of your traditions are meaningful… once all of your habits are in alignment with your goals… you’ll be left with the most precious prize of all—the real you.